I’m drink right now - nate

I don’t even know where to begin
I’m sorry I wasn’t honest
I’m sorry you’re just learning about it
I’m sorry I like you more than I thought
I’m sorry it’s frustrating to you
I really like you. I hope you understand nate.
I’m sorry. I really am.
But honestly, I like you a lot.

I’m falling for you
I really am
Yes harder than I did for Chris
Probably the same I did for Omar
I barely knew the guy and fell as I learned who he was
I think that’s how it is with you.
I’m scared to admit I like you more than you even like me so I compose myself
It’s scary to feel this again
It’s scary to just think about the near yet distant future
I just don’t want to get hurt..that’s all
I just hope you remain this person im falling for
I’m serious about liking you
I’m serious about wanting only you
I’m serious in everything I say
I’m serious
It’ll take me a minute to tell Chris the whole truth.
But ima do it.
Idk how ima say it
But ima do it
Ima do it soon.real soon, and I promise you that,
I promise.

Don’t take things for granted.
Don’t take me for granted.
I always tell the truth.
Sometimes I choose not to tell people.
But to you, I’ve told you everything honestly.
And sometimes you doubt me.
Earlier today made me worried..
I didn’t even know what to say.
I’m scarred. And there’s no way to rid my past,and for you to try and compare yourself to my past is impossible.. You wouldn’t leave the way he did. At least I don’t think so.
Reflecting on the little time we’ve known each other,I really like you,like a lot. My ego gets in the way of expressing how much I do, but I really really do.alot. I just don’t wanna get hurt. So don’t…mmkay?

First day sober of marijuana in weeks.
Hmm..

I usually write just to express how I feel and get things off my chest.
I usually write when there’s no one to really talk to or listen to me.
I usually write when I feel the creative thumb.
I usually write just..to simply write.
Instead of homework im writing.
Instead of any Internet activity im writing
instead of talking to people, the paper listens
To write takes me far away from my reality and into what I wish it was
I’m lost in my own world writing my life’s lyrics
Note by note
Pitch by pitch
As I write this tumblr post I’m lost in my own “reality” I’ve made for myself.
My future on what I wish it were to be.
Yes I want 6 kids, yes I want to be in the navy, yes I want a husband until the day I die. But those dreams can only sit on paper in my lost fantasy world until I make it reality. I’ve learned life lessons through pain, but learn to achieve my dreams and goals through my fantasy I’ve created my self. It’s almost like my own book. On my fake life. On how I wish people saw me and will see me. I’ve created things I want to do and will do before I reach a certain age and die.
I want to die a legacy.
Influencing someone to a greater cause.
I wanna change the world.
Serve the country.
Make beautiful babies.
I’m going to beauty school as I’m in the navy.
I’m joining the navy after highschool
Approx 18..maybe 19
Staying there for 2 terms.
Coming home.raising my family.
Traveling the world.
Working at Mac at age 40.
With a husband that will be by my side no matter what.
Here I am sitting on a tangent on me writing about my future. I bet my real future isn’t anything like this.
Let me continue fantasizing. The paper has listened to me now..
I shall stop writing for today. Atleast until my reality gets in the way.

It’s hard to let go of something that was once so real.
Texting you for the first time in months was crazy today..
Even if it was 3 texts.
But to find out that you’re not coming back,ever was heart breaking.
But it’s good. I finally have my chance to close the book and start writing a new one.
It wasn’t meant to be,no matter how hard I try and say it was..it wasn’t.
I fell in love and remained in love and to this very day still am in love.
And that’s okay.
I’m moving on..hopefully this new book can be written and completed without me breaking down anymore.
I don’t want to be left behind
I don’t want to be hurt
I don’t want any drama
I just want a you and me, me and you
I want highschool sweetheart shit.
I want that..bad.
That’s why I don’t do this hooking up shit.
It’s not what I want..
I don’t let my guard down because I’m always struggling to keep it up
This guy right now has so much potential but I’m scared.
I’m scared to let my guard down.
I’m scared that he’ll leave me
I’m scared to get hurt
I’m scared to not have my highschool sweetheart relationship.
It’s kind of tough being 16.
This shit is complicated.
I want to start a book and write it for the rest of my life with someone.not short books.but one long book.

We may have our fights and tears
We may have our silence
And sometimes not even around each other
But we always have smiles and laughter
You’re always there for me 100%
Even if I’m not appreciative.
Soon I’ll be out of the house and well lose the time to have our most cherish-able moments but I love you mommy.
Thanks for everything you have done and you will do.

As I sit here blazed as hell
I always happen to think.
Think of the unimaginable.
Like a fucking catdog like that tv show
Or like a baby mutant ninja turtle?!
Fucking weird ass shit.

I feel like I know this guy
Even though I’ve never met him
And have talked to him for 2 weeks..if that.
I feel like we’re on the same page and always agree on the most random topics.
He opens up to me on touchy subjects I wouldn’t share with a stranger.
He tells me in beautiful every second of the day
He tells me how perfect I am and how I deserve better than what I’ve had
He tells me everything I need to know
And cares enough to fix his first impression given off to me.
He is confident in what he does
And knows what he wants
He has that “swag” I can’t explain
And can sing
He’s sweet to me and shares my greatest fear
It’s weird how I feel like I know him.
But you can’t truly know someone like that..not that fast.well see how it goes..but That’s what you call boyfriend material..